Conjugal Love in Islam

1. Sexual relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the wife and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse is not limited to vaginal penetration but includes other forms of sexual caressing, such as kissing and fondling of various kinds.

2. Nothing should be done that is offensive or harmful to either person. Each has a duty to be sexually available to the other, but neither has the right to disgust or injure the other.

3. With a few exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that they like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The Qur'an says,"Women are your fields. Go then into your fields as you please." (2:223)

4. It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is menstruating (Qur'an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the Prophet (God's grace and peace be upon him), a man and his menstruating wife can however give one another pleasure so long as the woman's genitals are avoided.

5. There are ahadiths that forbid anal intercourse and scholars agree that it is not permissible.

6. The Qur'an and the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various forms that sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that it is up to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to decide how to physically express their sexual desires.

7. What goes on in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be discussed or revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity, such as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (pbuh) said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their sexual practices:"Do you know what those who do this are like? Those who do this are like a male and female devil who meet each other on the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on."For husbands I should say that sex is an expression of love and one without the other is incomplete. One of your jobs is to educate your wife in matters of sex especially in your likes and dislikes and do not compare her to other women.For wives I want to say that a man's sexual needs are different than a women's. Instead of being a passive recipient of sex, try to be an active partner. He is exposed to many temptations outside the home. Be available to please him and do not give him a reason to make a choice between you and hellfire.

Therefore, in Islam the husband and the wife choose their sexual activities according to the sure teaching of the Qur'an, in the light of the Sunnah as we are able to understand and appreciate it, in mutual respect for one another and knowing that the only witness to the expression of their desires will be Allah the Exalted, who will judge them according to their deeds and their heartfelt intentions.I believe that this is a matter to be decided by the husband and wife together after seeking the guidance of Allah, who alone knows best.

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Keajaiban Al-Quran 1

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Janji Allah Bagi Orang yang Akan Menikah

Ketika seorang muslim baik pria atau wanita akan menikah, biasanya akan
timbul perasaan yang bermacam-macam. Ada rasa gundah, resah, risau, bimbang,
termasuk juga tidak sabar menunggu datangnya sang pendamping, dll. Bahkan
ketika dalam proses taaruf sekalipun masih ada juga perasaan keraguan.


Berikut ini sekelumit apa yang bisa saya hadirkan kepada pembaca agar dapat
meredam perasaan negatif dan semoga mendatangkan optimisme dalam mencari
teman hidup. Semoga bermanfaat buat saya pribadi dan kaum muslimin semuanya.
Saya memohon kepada Allah semoga usaha saya ini mendatangkan pahala yang
tiada putus bagi saya.


Inilah kabar gembira berupa janji Allah bagi orang yang akan menikah.
Bergembiralah wahai saudaraku…


1. *"Wanita-wanita yang keji adalah untuk laki-laki yang keji, dan
laki-laki yang keji adalah buat wanita-wanita yang keji (pula), dan
wanita-wanita
yang baik adalah untuk laki-laki yang baik dan laki-laki yang baik adalah
untuk wanita-wanita yang baik (pula)".* (An Nuur : 26)


Bila ingin mendapatkan jodoh yang baik, maka perbaikilah diri. Hiduplah
sesuai ajaran Islam dan Sunnah Nabi-Nya. Jadilah laki-laki yang sholeh,
jadilah wanita yang sholehah. Semoga Allah memberikan hanya yang baik buat
kita. Amin.


2. *"Dan kawinkanlah orang-orang yang sendirian diantara kamu dan
orang-orang yang layak (berkawin) dari hamba-hamba sahayamu yang laki-laki
dan perempuan. Jika mereka miskin Allah akan memampukan mereka dengan
karunia-Nya. Dan Allah Maha Luas (Pemberian-Nya) lagi Maha Mengetahui".* (An
Nuur: 32)


Sebagian para pemuda ada yang merasa bingung dan bimbang ketika akan
menikah. Salah satu sebabnya adalah karena belum punya pekerjaan. Dan
anehnya ketika para pemuda telah mempunyai pekerjaan pun tetap ada perasaan
bimbang juga. Sebagian mereka tetap ragu dengan besaran rupiah yang mereka
dapatkan dari gajinya. Dalam pikiran mereka terbesit, "apa cukup untuk
berkeluarga dengan gaji sekian?".


Ayat tersebut merupakan jawaban buat mereka yang ragu untuk melangkah ke
jenjang pernikahan karena alasan ekonomi. Yang perlu ditekankan kepada para
pemuda dalam masalah ini adalah kesanggupan untuk memberi nafkah, dan terus
bekerja mencari nafkah memenuhi kebutuhan keluarga. Bukan besaran rupiah
yang sekarang mereka dapatkan. Nantinya Allah akan menolong mereka yang
menikah. Allah Maha Adil, bila tanggung jawab para pemuda bertambah – dengan
kewajiban menafkahi istri-istri dan anak-anaknya – maka Allah akan
memberikan rejeki yang lebih. Tidakkah kita lihat kenyataan di masyarakat,
banyak mereka yang semula miskin tidak punya apa-apa ketika menikah,
kemudian Allah memberinya rejeki yang berlimpah dan mencukupkan
kebutuhannya?


3. *"Ada tiga golongan manusia yang berhak Allah tolong mereka, yaitu
seorang mujahid fi sabilillah, seorang hamba yang menebus dirinya supaya
merdeka dan seorang yang menikah karena ingin memelihara
kehormatannya".*(HR. Ahmad 2: 251, Nasaiy, Tirmidzi, Ibnu Majah hadits
no. 2518, dan Hakim
2: 160)[1]


Bagi siapa saja yang menikah dengan niat menjaga kesucian dirinya, maka
berhak mendapatkan pertolongan dari Allah berdasarkan penegasan Rasulullah
Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam dalam hadits ini. Dan pertolongan Allah itu
pasti datang.


4. *"Dan diantara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan
untukmu istri-istri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa
tentram kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya diantaramu rasa kasih dan sayang.
Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi
kaum yang berfikir".* (Ar Ruum : 21)


5. *"Dan Tuhanmu berfirman : 'Berdoalah kepada-Ku, niscaya akan
Kuperkenankan bagimu. Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang menyombongkan diri dari
menyembah-Ku akan masuk neraka Jahannam dalam keadaan hina dina' ".* (Al
Mu'min : 60)


Ini juga janji Allah 'Azza wa Jalla, bila kita berdoa kepada Allah niscaya
akan diperkenankan-Nya. Termasuk di dalamnya ketika kita berdoa memohon
diberikan pendamping hidup yang agamanya baik, cantik, penurut, dst.


Dalam berdoa perhatikan adab dan sebab terkabulnya doa. Diantaranya adalah
ikhlash, bersungguh-sungguh, merendahkan diri, menghadap kiblat, mengangkat
kedua tangan, dll.[2]


Perhatikan juga waktu-waktu yang mustajab dalam berdoa. Diantaranya adalah
berdoa pada waktu sepertiga malam yang terakhir dimana Allah 'Azza wa Jalla
turun ke langit
dunia[3],
pada waktu antara adzan dan iqamah, pada waktu turun hujan,
dll.[4]


Perhatikan juga penghalang terkabulnya doa. Diantaranya adalah makan dan
minum dari yang haram, juga makan, minum dan berpakaian dari usaha yang
haram, melakukan apa yang diharamkan Allah,
dll.[5]


Manfaat lain dari berdoa berarti kita meyakini keberadaan Allah, mengakui
bahwa Allah itu tempat meminta, mengakui bahwa Allah Maha Kaya, mengakui
bahwa Allah Maha Mendengar, dst.


Sebagian orang ketika jodohnya tidak kunjung datang maka mereka pergi ke
dukun-dukun berharap agar jodohnya lancar. Sebagian orang ada juga yang
menggunakan guna-guna. Cara-cara seperti ini jelas dilarang oleh Islam.
Perhatikan hadits-hadits berikut yang merupakan peringatan keras dari
Rasulullah Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam:


*"Barang siapa yang mendatangi peramal / dukun, lalu ia menanyakan sesuatu
kepadanya, maka tidak diterima shalatnya selama empat puluh malam".* (Hadits
shahih riwayat Muslim (7/37) dan
Ahmad).[6]


*Telah bersabda Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam, "Maka janganlah
kamu mendatangi dukun-dukun itu."* (Shahih riwayat Muslim juz 7 hal.
35).[7]


*Telah bersabda Nabi shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam, "Sesungguhnya
jampi-jampi (mantera) dan jimat-jimat dan guna-guna (pelet) itu adalah
(hukumnya) syirik."* (Hadits shahih riwayat Abu Dawud (no. 3883), Ibnu Majah
(no. 3530), Ahmad dan
Hakim).[8]


6. *"Mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan sabar dan
shalat".*(Al Baqarah : 153)


Mintalah tolong kepada Allah dengan sabar dan shalat. Tentunya agar datang
pertolongan Allah, maka kita juga harus bersabar sesuai dengan Sunnah Nabi
Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam. Juga harus shalat sesuai Sunnahnya dan
terbebas dari bid'ah-bid'ah.


7. *"Karena sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan,
sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan".* (Alam Nasyrah : 5 – 6)


Ini juga janji Allah. Mungkin terasa bagi kita jodoh yang dinanti tidak
kunjung datang. Segalanya terasa sulit. Tetapi kita harus tetap berbaik
sangka kepada Allah dan yakinlah bahwa sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan.
Allah sendiri yang menegaskan dua kali dalam Surat Alam Nasyrah.


8. *"Hai orang-orang yang beriman jika kamu menolong (agama) Allah,
niscaya Dia
akan menolongmu dan meneguhkan kedudukanmu".* (Muhammad : 7)


Agar Allah Tabaraka wa Ta'ala menolong kita, maka kita tolong agama Allah.
Baik dengan berinfak di jalan-Nya, membantu penyebaran dakwah Islam dengan
penyebaran buletin atau buku-buku Islam, membantu penyelenggaraan pengajian,
dll. Dengan itu semoga Allah menolong kita.


9. *"Sesungguhnya Allah pasti menolong orang yang menolong (agama)-Nya.
Sesungguhnya Allah benar-benar Maha Kuat lagi Maha Perkasa".* (Al Hajj : 40)


10. *"Ingatlah, sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu amat dekat".* (Al
Baqarah : 214)


Itulah janji Allah. Dan Allah tidak akan menyalahi janjinya. Kalaupun Allah
tidak / belum mengabulkan doa kita, tentu ada hikmah dan kasih sayang Allah
yang lebih besar buat kita. Kita harus berbaik sangka kepada Allah. Inilah
keyakinan yang harus ada pada setiap muslim.


Jadi, kenapa ragu dengan janji Allah?


------------------------------


[1] Lihat Yazid
bin Abdul Qadir Jawas, Konsep Perkawinan dalam Islam, Pustaka Istiqomah,
Cet. II, 1995, hal. 12


[2] Yazid bin
Abdul Qadir Jawas, Adab & Sebab Terkabulnya Do'a, Pustaka Imam Asy-Syafi'i,
Cet. I, Des 2004, hal. 1 – 2


[3] Allah turun
ke langit dunia setiap malam pada sepertiga malam terakhir. Allah lalu
berfirman, "Siapa yang berdoa kepada-Ku niscaya Aku kabulkan! Siapa yang
meminta kepada-Ku niscaya Aku beri! Siapa yang meminta ampun kepada-Ku tentu
Aku ampuni." Demikianlah keadaannya hingga fajar terbit. (HR. Bukhari 145,
Muslim 758) (lihat Tahajjud Nabi, Sa'id bin 'Ali bin Wahf Al Qahthani, Media
Hidayah, Sept. 2003, hal. 27).


[4] Yazid bin
Abdul Qadir Jawas, Adab & Sebab Terkabulnya Do'a, Pustaka Imam Asy-Syafi'i,
Cet. I, Des 2004, hal. 8 – 14


[5] Idem, hal.
15 – 22


[6] Abdul Hakim
bin Amir Abdat, Al – Masaa-il Jilid 3, Penerbit Darul Qalam, Jakarta, Cet.
II, 2004 M, hal. 103
[7] Idem, hal.
105
[8] Idem, hal.
101
--
Ilmu yang kamu miliki tidaklah cukup; kamu harus mengamalkannya.
Niat tidaklah cukup; kamu harus melaksanakannya.

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HIKMAH DAN HUKUM NIKAH

Oleh: Abu Hamzah Ibnu Qomari

Hikmah Syariat Nikah
1. Nikah adalah salah satu sunnah (ajaran) yang sangat dianjurkan oleh Rasul Shalallahu ‘Alaihi Wassalam dalam sabdanya:

“Wahai para pemuda, siapa di antara kalian yang mampu menikah (jima’ dan biayanya) maka nikahlah, karena ia lebih dapat membuatmu menahan pandangan dan memelihara kemaluan. Barangsiapa tidak mampu menikah maka berpuasalah, karena hal itu baginya adalah pelemah syahwat.” (HR. Bukhari dan Muslim)
2. Nikah adalah satu upaya untuk menyempurnakan iman. Rasulullah Shalallahu ‘Alaihi Wassalam bersabda:

“Barangsiapa memberi karena Allah, menahan kerena Allah, mencintai karena Allah, membenci karena Allah, dan menikahkan karena Allah maka ia telah menyempurnakan iman.” (HR. Hakim,dia berkata: Shahih sesuai dg syarat Bukhari Muslim. Disepakati oleh adz Dzahabi)

“Barangsiapa menikah maka ia telah menyempurnakan separuh iman, hendaklah ia menyempurnakan sisanya.” (HR. ath Thabrani, dihasankan oleh Al Albani)
Kisah:
Al Ghazali bercerita tentang sebagian ulama, katanya:”Di awal keinginan saya (meniti jalan akhirat), saya dikalahkan oleh syahwat yang amat berat, maka saya banyak menjerit kepada Allah. Sayapun bermimpi dilihat oleh seseorang, dia berkata kepada saya:”Kamu ingin agar syahwat yang kamu rasakan itu hilang dan (boleh) aku menebas lehermu? Saya jawab:”Ya”. Maka dia berkata:”Panjangkan (julurkan) lehermu.” Sayapun memanjangkannya. Kemudian ia menghunus pedang dari cahaya lalu memukulkan ke leherku. Di pagi hari aku sudah tidak merasakan adanya syahwat, maka aku tinggal selama satu tahun terbebas dari penyakit syahwat. Kemduian hal itu datang lagi dan sangat hebat, maka saya melihat seseorang berbicara pasa saya antara dada saya dan samping saya, dia berkata:”Celaka kamu! Berapa banyak kamu meminta kepada Allah untuk menghilangkan darimu sesuatu yang Allah tidak suka menghilangkannya! Nikahlah!” Maka sayapun menikah dan hilanglah godaan itu dariku. Akhirnya saya mendapatkan keturunan.” (Faidhul Qadir VI/103 no.8591)
3. Nikah adalah satu benteng untuk menjaga masyarakat dari kerusakan, dekadensi moral dan asusila. Maka mempermudah pernikahan syar’i adalah solusi dari semu itu. Rasulullah Shalallahu ‘Alaihi Wassalam bersabda:

“Jika datang kepadamu orang yang kamu relakan akhlak dan agamanya maka nikahkanlah, jika tidak kamu lakukan maka pasti ada fitnah di muka bumi dan kerusakan yang besar.” (HR. Hakim, hadits shahih)
4. Pernikahan adalah lingkungan baik yang mengantarkan kepada eratnya hubungan keluarga, dan saling menukar kasih sayang di tengah masyarakat. Menikah dalam Islam bukan hanya menikahnya dua insan, melainkan dua keluarga besar.
5. Pernikahan adalah sebaik-baik cara untuk mendapatkan anak, memperbanyak keturunan dengan nasab yang terjaga, sebagaimana yang Allah pilihkan untuk para kekasih-Nya:

“Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah mengutus beberapa Rasul sebelum kamu dan Kami memberikan kepada mereka isteri-isteri dan keturunan.” (QS. ar Ra’d:38
6. Pernikahan adalah cara terbaik untuk melampiaskan naluri seksual dan memuaskan syahwat dengan penuh ketenangan.
Rasulullah Shalallahu ‘Alaihi Wassalam bersabda:

“Sesungguhnya wanita itu menghadap dalam rupa setan (menggoda) dan membelakangi dalam rupa setan, maka apabila salah seorang kamu melihat seorang wanita yang menakjubkannya hendaklah mendatangi isterinya, sesungguhnya hal itu dapat menghilangkan syahwat yang ada dalam dirinya.” (HR. Muslim, Abu Dawud dan Tirmidzi)
7. Pernikahan memenuhi naluri kebapakan dan keibuan, yang akan berkembang dengan adanya anak.
8. Dalam pernikahan ada ketenangan, kedamaian, kebersihan, kesehatan, kesucian dan kebahagiaan, yang diidamkan oleh setiap insan.


Hukum Nikah
Para ulama menyebutkan bahwa nikah diperintahkan karena dapat mewujudkan maslahat; memelihara diri, kehormatan, mendapatkan pahala dan lain-lain. Oleh karena itu, apabila pernikahan justru membawa madharat maka nikahpun dilarang. Dari sini maka hukum nikah dapat dapat dibagi menjadi lima:
1. Disunnahkan bagi orang yang memiliki syahwat (keinginan kepada wanita) tetapi tidak khawatir berzina atau terjatuh dalam hal yang haram jika tidak menikah, sementara dia mampu untuk menikah.
Karena Allah telah memerintahkan dan Rasulpun telah mengajarkannya. Bahkan di dalam nkah itu ada banyak kebaikan, berkah dan manfaat yangb tidak mungkin diperoleh tanpa nikah, sampai Rasulullah Shalallahu ‘Alaihi Wassalam bersabda:

“Dalam kemaluanmu ada sedekah.” Mereka bertanya:”Ya Rasulullah , apakah salah seorang kami melampiaskan syahwatnya lalu di dalamnya ada pahala?” Beliau bersabda:”Bagaimana menurut kalian, jika ia meletakkannya pada yang haram apakah ia menanggung dosa? Begitu pula jika ia meletakkannya pada yang halal maka ia mendapatkan pahala.” (HR. Muslim, Ibnu Hibban)
Juga sunnah bagi orang yang mampu yang tidak takut zina dan tidak begitu membutuhkan kepada wanita tetapi menginginkan keturunan. Juga sunnah jika niatnya ingin menolong wanita atau ingin beribadah dengan infaqnya.

Rasulullah Shalallahu ‘Alaihi Wassalam bersabda:
“Kamu tidak menafkahkan satu nafkah karena ingin wajah Allah melainkan Allah pasti memberinya pahala, hingga suapan yang kamu letakkan di mulut isterimu.” (HR. Bukhari dan Muslim)
“Dinar yang kamu nafkahkan di jalan Allah, dinar yang kamu nafkahkan untuk budak, dinar yang kamu sedekahkan pada orang miskin, dinar yang kamu nafkahkan pada isterimu maka yang terbesar pahalanya adalah yang kamu nafkahkan pada isterumu.” (HR. Muslim)
2. Wajib bagi yang mampu nikah dan khawatir zina atau maksiat jika tidak menikah. Sebab menghindari yang haram adalah wajib, jika yang haram tidak dapat dihindari kecuali dengan nikah maka nikah adalah wajib (QS. al Hujurat:6). Ini bagi kaum laki-laki, adapun bagi perempuan maka ia wajib nikah jika tidak dapat membiayai hidupnya (dan anak-anaknya) dan menjadi incaran orang-orang yang rusak, sedangkan kehormatan dan perlindungannya hanya ada pada nikah, maka nikah baginya adalah wajib.
3. Mubah bagi yang mampu dan aman dari fitnah, tetapi tidak membutuhkannya atau tidak memiliki syahwat sama sekali seperti orang yang impotent atau lanjut usia, atau yang tidak mampu menafkahi, sedangkan wanitanya rela dengan syarat wanita tersebut harus rasyidah (berakal).
Juga mubah bagi yang mampu menikah dengan tujuan hanya sekedar untuk memenuhi hajatnya atau bersenang-senang, tanpa ada niat ingin keturunan atau melindungi diri dari yang haram.
4. Haram nikah bagi orang yang tidak mampu menikah (nafkah lahir batin) dan ia tidak takut terjatuh dalam zina atau maksiat lainnya, atau jika yakin bahwa dengan menikah ia akan jatuh dalam hal-hal yang diharamkan. Juga haram nikah di darul harb (wilayah tempur) tanpa adanya faktor darurat, jika ia menjadi tawanan maka tidak diperbolehkan nikah sama sekali.
Haram berpoligami bagi yang menyangka dirinya tidak bisa adil sedangkan isteri pertama telah mencukupinya.
5. Makruh menikah jika tidak mampu karena dapat menzhalimi isteri, atau tidak minat terhadap wanita dan tidak mengharapkan keturunan.. Juga makruh jika nikah dapat menghalangi dari ibadah-ibadah sunnah yang lebih baik. Makruh berpoligami jika dikhawatirkan akan kehilangan maslahat yang lebih besar.

Dikutip dari Majalah Qiblati Edisi 05 tahun II/ 1428H

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Kembali pada Tujuan Nikah

Oleh Leli Nurohmah

Penulis pernah mewawancarai beberapa perempuan tentang perkawinan. Jawaban yang disampaikan beragam, antara lain: “Bagi saya perkawinan adalah tahap yang harus dilalui sebagai perempuan. Kalau kita sudah dewasa ya... kawin, ngurus suami, punya anak-cucu, terus mati”. Ada lagi jawaban, ”Ketika dinikahkan, saya masih sekolah, lagi senang-senangnya bermain. Bapak bilang, “Neng besok nggak usah sekolah lagi. Kamu udah dilamar. Bulan depan kamu jadi istri muda Pak Fulan”.


Jawaban-jawaban di atas sangat akrab di telinga kita. Perempuan seolah memasuki alam baru yang jauh berbeda dengan sebelumnya. Ketika telah menjadi istri, perempuan biasanya lebih dikenal dengan nama suaminya dibanding nama sendiri. Bahkan, sering kali status perkawinan menghilangkan jati diri yang sebenarnya. Sering terdengar panggilan; Bu Darmawan, Bu Sugeng, Bu Syamsuri yang menggantikan namanya semasa gadis; Yunita, Tini, Aisyah, dan sebagainya.

Dalam konteks rumah tangga, sering dijumpai kasus-kasus kekerasan yang dialami perempuan dan anak-anak. Keluarga ternyata tidak selalu menjadi tempat yang aman bagi para perempuan dan anak-anak. Banyak kasus-kasus kekerasan dalam rumah tangga (KDRT) terjadi dan, anehnya, lepas dari jeratan hukum, hanya karena para perempuan tidak berani melaporkannya kepada pihak-pihak yang berwenang. Baginya, hal itu dianggap aib, sehingga perlu ditutupi.

Masalah lain yang perlu juga dicermati adalah poligami yang masih menjadi gaya hidup banyak laki-laki, apalagi yang mempunyai kemapanan ekonomi. Padahal model poligami ini banyak menimbulkan kekerasan terhadap perempuan dan anak-anak, baik kekerasan ekonomi, seksual, dan lain-lain. Persoalan lain yang tak kalah serius adalah nikah bawah tangan (kawin sirri) yang imbasnya ternyata banyak menimpa perempuan dan anak-anak. Lagi-lagi, korbannya adalah perempuan dan anak-anak.

Apa sebenarnya yang terjadi dengan semua ini? Padahal bila kembali pada tujuan dan hikmah perkawinan, sangatlah ideal dan indah. Al-Hamdani (h.20), misalnya, menyebut bahwa hikmah nikah adalah untuk menjalin ikatan kekeluargaan, memperkuat ikatan kasih sayang sesama mereka. Keluarga yang dihimpun dalam ikatan cinta dan kasih sayang adalah keluarga yang kukuh dan bahagia. Pandangan lain, Tandjung (h.20) menyatakan bahwa hikmah Islam mendorong perkawinan ialah menghindarkan manusia dari kerusakan, bencana, fitnah, dan lain-lain.

Bila dikaji dari definisi yang ada, nikah mengandung makna ‘aqdu tamlik (akad yang kemudian berkonotasi kepemilikan). Dalam hal ini, perempuan diasumsikan menjadi milik suaminya, setelah lepas dari sang ayah. Dalam definisi ini—yang kemudian berimbas pada relasi kuasa yang tidak seimbang antara suami istri—, istri seolah menjadi milik mutlak suami dan hilanglah otoritas diri istri. Seluruh kendali kehidupannya berada di tangan suami. Bahkan ia pun tak kuasa menentang atau berontak saat suami melakukan kekerasan terhadap dirinya yang konon bermaksud memberi pelajaran.

Pandangan di atas, seakan sudah benar-benar mengakar di alam bawah sadar para perempuan. Ketika perempuan mencintai lawan jenisnya, tahap selanjutnya adalah perkawinan yang menjadi muara dan wadah berbagi kasih sayang. Pendapat salah seorang perempuan di bagian awal tulisan seolah sudah baku dan seakan begitulah seharusnya menjadi perempuan. Cinta, kemudian, diartikan tereliminasinya kedirian perempuan dan penerimaan tanggungjawab berat yang dipikulnya, sementara ia harus melakukan semua itu dengan sukarela atas nama cinta.

Menarik apa yang diungkapkan Collins (1987, h.102) tentang cinta romantik perempuan dalam perkawinan. Ia mengatakan, secara tradisional selama ini banyak orang menganggap cinta akan berakhir dengan pernikahan yang membahagiakan. Pada kenyataannya, setelah kue pengantin selesai dibagi dan gaun pengantin dilepas, perempuan harus kembali pada kehidupan nyata selamanya sampai ajal menjemput. Seorang perempuan kemudian harus bersiap diri menata rumah barunya, menjadi istri, dan seorang ibu.

Lebih lanjut, Collins dalam tulisannya (h.101) menjelaskan pandangan Greer (1987) dan Firestone (190) bahwa skenario cinta romantik dan non romantik merupakan satu hal di antara banyak kekuatan yang mengarahkan perempuan terikat pada peran-peran gender tradisional dan berada dalam kekuasaan laki-laki. Ikatan cinta membuatnya bergantung pada suami, sehingga pembagian kerja berdasarkan gender tersebut, mereka lakukan dengan suka hati tanpa protes sedikitpun.

Jika dikembalikan pada agama, dalam Islam jelas sekali terdapat prinsip-prinsip yang seharusnya menjadi acuan dalam menjalani perkawinan. Pertama. prinsip kebebasan dalam memilih jodoh. Memilih jodoh merupakan hak bagi laki-laki dan perempuan, sepanjang tidak melanggar ketentuan yang digariskan syari’ah. Sebelum Islam, anak perempuan sama sekali tidak mempunyai hak pilih, bahkan dirinya sepenuhnya dimiliki oleh ayah atau walinya. Kedua, prinsip mawaddah wa rahmah (QS. 30:21). Mawaddah bermakna cinta kasih, sedangkan rahmah berarti kasih sayang. Mawaddah wa rahmah terbentuk dari suasana hati yang ikhlas dan rela berkorban demi kebahagiaan bersama. Suami istri sejak akad nikah hendaknya telah dipertautkan oleh ikatan mawaddah dan rahmah, sehingga tidak mudah goyah dalam mengarungi samudera perkawinan. Ketiga, prinsip saling melengkapi dan melindungi (QS. 2:187). Ayat ini mengisyaratkan bahwa sebagai makhluk, laki-laki dan perempuan, memiliki kelemahan dan keunggulan. Tidak ada yang sempurna dalam semua hal, sebaliknya tidak ada pula yang serba kekurangan. Dalam kehidupan, suami istri pasti saling membutuhkan. Masing-masing harus berfungsi memenuhi kebutuhan pasangannya, ibarat pakaian menutupi tubuh. Keempat, prinsip memperlakukan pasangan dengan sopan (mu’asyarah bi al-ma’ruf). Mu’asyarah bi al-ma’ruf dapat dipahami sebagai suatu persahabatan, perkeluargaan, perkerabatan yang dibangun secara bersama-sama dengan baik sesuai tradisi dan situasi masyarakat, tetapi tidak bertentangan dengan norma agama, akal sehat, maupun fitrah manusia (Husein Muhammad, h.107).

Jelaslah bahwa prinsip-prinsip dasar seperti digambarkan di atas sangat memberikan perlindungan bagi semua person dalam keluarga. Selain itu, pesan kehidupan yang berbasis kesetaraan sangat tampak dalam prinsip-prinsip tersebut. Memang diakui, sementara ini budaya patriarkhi masih sangat kental dalam masyarakat. Posisi laki-laki lebih diunggulkan, sementara perempuan menempati posisi kedua. Berangkat dari fenomena di atas, sudah saatnya kita mengembalikan ruh perkawinan pada tujuan dan prinsip dasar dalam Islam sehingga tercapai keselarasan hidup.

Jika persoalan dalam sebuah keluarga tidak dapat berjalan sesuai harapan maka—menurut QS 2: 229-231—suami harus menetapkan satu dari dua pilihan: pertama, memenuhi semua hak istri dan melaksanakan segala kewajibannya dengan sopan santun, dan kedua, memutuskan ikatan perkawinan dan membebaskan istrinya secara ma’ruf (patut dan sopan). Tidak ada pilihan lain. Dengan demikian, perilaku suami yang tidak mau memenuhi hak-hak istri secara patut atau tidak pula mau menceraikan dengan baik, bertentangan dengan Islam.

Jangan sampai aturan dan prinsip dasar yang disampaikan Tuhan hanya dijadikan hiasan atau “mimpi” yang sulit direalisasikan. Padahal Rasulullah telah memberikan uswah hasanah (teladan terbaik) bagi umatnya tentang bagaimana membangun keluarga sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah. Bukankah demikian? ]

source : http://www.rahima.or.id/

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Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Book 62:

Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah), Hadiths 1 to 50

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 1:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout
the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 2:
Narrated 'Ursa:
that he asked 'Aisha about the Statement of Allah: 'If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (the captives) that your right hands possess. That will be nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.' (4.3) 'Aisha said, "O my nephew! (This Verse has been revealed in connection with) an orphan girl under the guardianship of her guardian who is attracted by her wealth and beauty and intends to marry her with a Mahr less than what other women of her standard deserve. So they (such guardians) have been forbidden to marry them unless they do justice to them and give them their full Mahr, and they are ordered to marry other women instead of them."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 3:
Narrated 'Alqama:
While I was with Abdullah, 'Uthman met him at Mina and said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rahman ! I have something to say to you." So both of them went aside and 'Uthman said, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rah. man! Shall we marry you to a virgin who will make you remember your past days?" When 'Abdullah felt that he was not in need of that, he beckoned me (to join him) saying, "O 'Alqama!" Then I heard him saying (in reply to 'Uthman), "As you have said that, (I tell you that) the Prophet once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 5:
Narrated 'Ata:
We presented ourselves along with Ibn 'Abbas at the funeral procession of Maimuna at a place called Sarif. Ibn 'Abbas said, "This is the wife of the Prophet so when you lift her bier, do not Jerk it or shake it much, but walk smoothly because the Prophet had nine wives and he used to observe the night turns with eight of them, and for one of them there was no night turn."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 6:
Narrated Anas:
The Prophet I used to go round (have sexual relations with) all his wives in one night, and he had nine wives.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 7:
Narrated Said bin Jubair:
Ibn 'Abbas asked me, "Are you married?" I replied, "No." He said, "Marry, for the best person of this (Muslim) nation (i.e., Muhammad) of all other Muslims, had the largest number of wives."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 8:
Narrated 'Umar bin Al-Khattab:
The Prophet said, "The rewards (of deeds) are according to the intention, and everybody will get the reward for what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for Allah's and His Apostle's sake, his emigration was for Allah and His Apostle; and whoever emigrated for worldly benefits, or to marry a woman, then his emigration was for the thing for what he emigrated for." (1)
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 9:
Narrated Ibn Masud:
We used to fight in the holy battles in the company of the Prophet and we had no wives with us. So we said, "O Allah's Apostle! Shall we get castrated?" The Prophet forbade us to do so.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 10:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Auf came (from Mecca to Medina) and the Prophet made a bond of brotherhood between him and Sad bin Ar-Rabi' Al-Ansari. Al-Ansari had two wives, so he suggested that 'Abdur-Rahman take half, his wives and property. 'Abdur-Rahman replied, "May Allah bless you with your wives and property. Kindly show me the market." So 'Abdur-Rahman went to the market and gained (in bargains) some dried yoghurt and some butter. After a few days the Prophet saw Abdur-Rahman with some yellow stains on his clothes and asked him, "What is that, O 'Abdur-Rahman?" He replied, "I had married an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "How much Mahr did you give her?" He replied, "The weight of one (date) stone of gold." The Prophet said, "Offer a banquet, even with one sheep."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 11:
Narrated Sad bin Abi Waqqas:
Allah's Apostle forbade 'Uthman bin Maz'un to abstain from marrying (and other pleasures) and if he had allowed him, we would have gotten ourselves castrated.(1)
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 12:
Narrated Sad bin Abi Waqqas:
The Prophet prevented 'Uthman bin Mazun from that (not marrying), and had he allowed him, we would have got ourselves castrated.(1)
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 13o:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
We used to participate in the holy battles led by Allah's Apostle and we had nothing (no wives) with us. So we said, "Shall we get ourselves castrated?" He forbade us that and then allowed us to marry women with a temporary contract (2) and recited to us: -- 'O you who believe ! Make not unlawful the good things which Allah has made lawful for you, but commit no transgression.' (5.87)
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 13h:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
I said, "O Allah's Apostle! I am a young man and I am afraid that I may commit illegal sexual intercourse and I cannot afford to marry." He kept silent, and then repeated my question once again, but he kept silent. I said the same (for the third time) and he remained silent. Then repeated my question (for the fourth time), and only then the Prophet said, "O Abu Huraira! The pen has dried after writing what you are going to confront. So (it does not matter whether you) get yourself castrated or not."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 14:
Narrated 'Aisha :
I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Suppose you landed in a valley where there is a tree of which something has been eaten and then you found trees of which nothing has been eaten, of which tree would you let your camel graze?" He said, "(I will let my camel graze) of the one of which nothing has been eaten before." (The sub-narrator added: 'Aisha meant that Allah's Apostle had not married a virgin besides herself .)
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 15:
Narrated 'Aisha:
Allah's Apostle said (to me), "You have been shown to me twice in (my) dreams. A man was carrying you in a silken cloth and said to me, 'This is your wife.' I uncovered it; and behold, it was you. I said to myself, 'If this dream is from Allah, He will cause it to come true.' "
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 16:
Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah:
While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 17:
Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah:
When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron' He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?'
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 18:
Narrated 'Ursa:
The Prophet asked Abu Bakr for 'Aisha's hand in marriage. Abu Bakr said "But I am your brother." The Prophet said, "You are my brother in Allah's religion and His Book, but she (Aisha) is lawful for me to marry."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 19:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "The best women are the riders of the camels and the righteous among the women of Quraish. They are the kindest women to their children in their childhood and the more careful women of the property of their husbands."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 20:
Narrated Abu Burda's father:
Allah's Apostle said, any man who has a slave girl whom he educates properly, teaches good manners, manumits and marries her, will get a double reward And if any man of the people of the Scriptures believes in his own prophet and then believes in me too, he will (also) get a double reward And any slave who fulfills his duty to his master and to his Lord, will (also) get a double reward."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 21:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said: Abraham did not tell lies except three. (One of them was) when Abraham passed by a tyrant and (his wife) Sara was accompanying him (Abu Huraira then mentioned the whole narration and said:) (The tyrant) gave her Hajar. Sara said, "Allah saved me from the hands of the Kafir (i.e. infidel) and gave me Hajar to serve me." (Abu Huraira added:) That (Hajar) is your mother, O Banu Ma'-As-Sama' (i.e., the Arabs).
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 22:
Narrated Anas:
The Prophet stayed for three days between Khaibar and Medina, and there he consummated his marriage to Safiyya bint Huyai. I invited the Muslims to the wedding banquet in which neither meat nor bread was offered. He ordered for leather dining-sheets to be spread, and dates, dried yoghurt and butter were laid on it, and that was the Prophet's wedding banquet. The Muslims wondered, "Is she (Saffiyya) considered as his wife or his slave girl?" Then they said, "If he orders her to veil herself, she will be one of the mothers of the Believers; but if he does not order her to veil herself, she will be a slave girl. So when the Prophet proceeded from there, he spared her a space behind him (on his she-camel) and put a screening veil between her and the people.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 23:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
Allah's Apostle manumitted Safiyya and regarded her manumission as her Mahr.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 24:
Narrated Sahl bin Sad As-Sa'idi:
A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I have come to give you myself in marriage (without Mahr)." Allah's Apostle looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her and then lowered his head. When the lady saw that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his companions got up and said, "O Allah's Apostle! If you are not in need of her, then marry her to me." The Prophet said, "Have you got anything to offer?" The man said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle!" The Prophet said (to him), "Go to your family and see if you have something." The man went and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, I have not found anything." Allah's Apostle said, "(Go again) and look for something, even if it is an iron ring." He went again and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my Izar (waist sheet)." He had no rida. He added, "I give half of it to her." Allah's Apostle said, "What will she do with your Izar? If you wear it, she will be naked, and if she wears it, you will be naked." So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet said, "How much of the Quran do you know?" He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them. The Prophet said, "Do you know them by heart?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 25:
Narrated 'Aisha:
Abu Hudhaifa bin 'Utba bin Rabi'a bin Abdi Shams who had witnessed the battle of Badr along with the Prophet adopted Salim as his son, to whom he married his niece, Hind bint Al-Walid bin 'Utba bin Rabi'a; and Salim was the freed slave of an Ansar woman, just as the Prophet had adopted Zaid as his son. It was the custom in the Pre-lslamic Period that if somebody adopted a boy, the people would call him the son of the adoptive father and he would be the latter's heir. But when Allah revealed the Divine Verses: 'Call them by (the names of) their fathers . . . your freed-slaves,' (33.5) the adopted persons were called by their fathers' names. The one whose father was not known, would be regarded as a Maula and your brother in religion. Later on Sahla bint Suhail bin 'Amr Al-Quraishi Al-'Amiri--and she was the wife of Abu- Hudhaifa bin 'Utba--came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! We used to consider Salim as our (adopted) son, and now Allah has revealed what you know (regarding adopted sons)." The sub-narrator then mentioned the rest of the narration.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 26:
Narrated 'Aisha:
Allah's Apostle entered upon Dubaa bint Az-Zubair and said to her, "Do you have a desire to perform the Hajj?" She replied, "By Allah, I feel sick." He said to her, "Intend to perform Hajj and stipulate something by saying, 'O Allah, I will finish my Ihram at any place where You stop me (i.e. I am unable to go further)." She was the wife of Al-Miqdad bin Al-Aswad.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 28:
Narrated Sahl:
A man passed by Allah's Apostle and Allah s Apostle asked (his companions) "What do you say about this (man)?" They replied "If he asks for a lady's hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercessor should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to." Allah's Apostle kept silent, and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, an Allah's Apostle asked (them) "What do you say about this man?" They replied, "If he asks for a lady's hand in marriage he does not deserve to be married, and he intercedes (for someone), his intercession should not be accepted; And if he speaks, he should not be listened to.' Allah's Apostle said, "This poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth.'
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 29:
Narrated 'Ursa:
that he asked 'Aisha regarding the Verse: 'If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans (4.3) She said, "O my nephew! This Verse refers to the orphan girl who is under the guardianship of her guardian who likes her beauty and wealth and wishes to (marry her and) curtails her Mahr. Such guardians have been forbidden to marry them unless they do justice by giving them their full Mahr, and they have been ordered to marry other than them. The people asked for the verdict of Allah's Apostle after that, so Allah revealed: 'They ask your instruction concerning the women . . . whom you desire to marry.' (4.127) So Allah revealed to them that if the orphan girl had beauty and wealth, they desired to marry her and for her family status. They can only marry them if they give them their full Mahr. And if they had no desire to marry them because of their lack of wealth and beauty, they would leave them and marry other women. So, as they used to leave them, when they had no interest, in them, they were forbidden to marry them when they had such interest, unless they treated them justly and gave them their full Mahr Apostle said, 'If at all there is evil omen, it is in the horse, the woman and the house." a lady is to be warded off. And the Statement of Allah: 'Truly, among your wives and your children, there are enemies for you (i.e may stop you from the obedience of Allah)' (64.14)
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 30:
Narrated Abdullah bin 'Umar:
Allah's Apostle said, "Evil omen is in the women, the house and the horse.'
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 31:
Narrated Ibn 'Umar:
Evil omen was mentioned before the Prophet: The Prophet said, "If there is evil omen in anything, it is in the house, the woman and the horse."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 32:
Narrated Sahl bin Sad:
Allah's Apostle said, "If at all there is bad omen, it is in the horse, the woman, and the house."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 33:
Narrated Usama bin Zaid:
The Prophet said, "After me I have not left any affliction more harmful to men than women."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 34:
Narrated 'Aisha :
Three principles were established because of Barira: (i) When Banra was manumitted she was given the option (to remain with her slave husband or not). (ii) Allah's Apostle said "The Wala of the slave) is for the one who manumits (the slave). (iii) When Allah's Apostle entered (the house), he saw a cooking pot on the fire but he was given bread and meat soup from the soup of the home. The Prophet said, "Didn't I see the cooking pot (on the fire)?" It was said, "That is the meat given in charity to Barira, and you do not eat the (things given in) charity." The Prophet said, "It is an object of charity for Barira, and it is a present for us."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 35:
Narrated Aisha"
(regarding) the Verse: 'And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans...' (4.3) It is about the orphan girl who is in the custody of a man who is her guardian, and he intends to marry her because of her wealth, but he treats her badly and does not manage her property fairly and honestly. Such a man should marry women of his liking other than her, two or three or four. 'Prohibited to you (for marriage) are: ...your foster-mothers (who suckled you).' (4.23) Marriage is prohibited between persons having a foster suckling relationship corresponding to a blood relationship which renders marriage unlawful.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 36:
Narrated 'Aisha:
(the wife of the Prophet) that while Allah's Apostle was with her, she heard a voice of a man asking permission to enter the house of Hafsa. 'Aisha added: I said, "O Allah's Apostle! This man is asking permission to enter your house." The Prophet said, "I think he is so-and-so," naming the foster-uncle of Hafsa. 'Aisha said, "If so-and-so," naming her foster uncle, "were living, could he enter upon me?" The Prophet said, "Yes, for foster suckling relations make all those things unlawful which are unlawful through corresponding birth (blood) relations."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 37:
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
It was said to the Prophet, "Won't you marry the daughter of Hamza?" He said, "She is my foster niece (brother's daughter). "
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 38:
Narrated Um Habiba:
(daughter of Abu Sufyan) I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Marry my sister. the daughter of Abu Sufyan." The Prophet said, "Do you like that?" I replied, "Yes, for even now I am not your only wife and I like that my sister should share the good with me." The Prophet said, "But that is not lawful for me." I said, We have heard that you want to marry the daughter of Abu Salama." He said, "(You mean) the daughter of Um Salama?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Even if she were not my step-daughter, she would be unlawful for me to marry as she is my foster niece. I and Abu Salama were suckled by Thuwaiba. So you should not present to me your daughters or your sisters (in marriage)." Narrated 'Ursa; Thuwaiba was the freed slave girl of Abu Lahb whom he had manumitted, and then she suckled the Prophet. When Abu Lahb died, one of his relatives saw him in a dream in a very bad state and asked him, "What have you encountered?" Abu Lahb said, "I have not found any rest since I left you, except that I have been given water to drink in this (the space between his thumb and other fingers) and that is because of my manumitting Thuwaiba."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 39:
Narrated 'Aisha:
that the Prophet entered upon her while a man was sitting with her. Signs of answer seemed to appear on his face as if he disliked that. She said, "Here is my (foster) brother." He said, "Be sure as to who is your foster brother, for foster suckling relationship is established only when milk is the only food of the child."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 40:
Narrated Aisha:
that Allah the brother of Abu Al-Qu'ais, her foster uncle, came, asking permission to enter upon her after the Verse of Al-Hijab (the use of veils by women) was revealed. 'Aisha added: I did not allow him to enter, but when Allah's Apostle came, I told him what I had done, and he ordered me to give him permission.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 41:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:
I married a woman and then a black lady came to us and said, "I have suckled you both (you and your wife)." So I came to the Prophet and said, "I married so-and-so and then a black lady came to us and said to me, 'I have suckled both of you.' But I think she is a liar." The Prophet turned his face away from me and I moved to face his face, and said, "She is a liar." The Prophet said, "How (can you keep her as your wife) when that lady has said that she has suckled both of you? So abandon (i.e., divorce) her (your wife)."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 42:
Narrated Um Habiba:
I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Do you like to have (my sister) the daughter of Abu Sufyan?" The Prophet said, "What shall I do (with her)?" I said, "Marry her." He said, "Do you like that?" I said, "(Yes), for even now I am not your only wife, so I like that my sister should share you with me." He said, "She is not lawful for me (to marry)." I said, "We have heard that you want to marry." He said, "The daughter of Um Salama?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Even if she were not my stepdaughter, she should be unlawful for me to marry, for Thuwaiba suckled me and her father (Abu Salama). So you should neither present your daughters, nor your sisters, to me."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 43:
Narrated Um Habiba:
I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Marry my sister, the daughter of Abu Sufyan." He said, "Do you like that?" I said, "Yes, for even now I am not your only wife; and the most beloved person to share the good with me is my sister." The Prophet said, "But that is not lawful for me (i.e., to be married to two sisters at a time.)" I said, "O Allah's Apostle! By Allah, we have heard that you want to marry Durra, the daughter of Abu Salama." He said, "You mean the daughter of Um Salama?" I said, "Yes." He said, "By Allah ! Even if she were not my stepdaughter, she would not be lawful for me to marry, for she is my foster niece, for Thuwaiba has suckled me and Abu Salama; so you should neither present your daughters, nor your sisters to me."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 44:
Narrated Jabir:
Allah's Apostle forbade that a woman should be married to man along with her paternal or maternal aunt.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 45:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "A woman and her paternal aunt should not be married to the same man; and similarly, a woman and her maternal aunt should not be married to the same man."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 46:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet forbade that a woman should be married to a man along with her paternal aunt or with her maternal aunt (at the same time). Az-Zuhri (the sub-narrator) said: There is a similar order for the paternal aunt of the father of one's wife, for 'Ursa told me that 'Aisha said, "What is unlawful because of blood relations, is also unlawful because of the corresponding foster suckling relations."
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 47:
Narrated Ibn 'Umar :
Allah's Apostle forbade Ash-Shighar, which means that somebody marries his daughter to somebody else, and the latter marries his daughter to the former without paying Mahr.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 48:
Narrated Hisham's father:
Khaula bint Hakim was one of those ladies who presented themselves to the Prophet for marriage. 'Aisha said, "Doesn't a lady feel ashamed for presenting herself to a man?" But when the Verse: "(O Muhammad) You may postpone (the turn of) any of them (your wives) that you please,' (33.51) was revealed, " 'Aisha said, 'O Allah's Apostle! I do not see, but, that your Lord hurries in pleasing you.' "
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 49:
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
The Prophet got married while he was in the state of Ihram.
Volume 7, Book 62, Number 50:
Narrated 'Ali:
I said to Ibn 'Abbas, "During the battle of Khaibar the Prophet forbade (Nikah) Al-Mut'a and the eating of donkey's meat."

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Pointers on Choosing Marriage Partners

By Rabi'ah Hakeem
In light of the experience of the past years, it is time to take stock and try to halt the ever-mounting tide of divorces among Muslims. It is not unusual today to find Muslim women (and even an occasional Muslim man) who, by the time they are 30 or 35, have been married three or four times, their children suffering again and again through the trauma of fatherless and broken homes. Accordingly, we may list a few essential points to be considered by both brothers and sisters in the process of choosing a partner in life (although the masculine pronoun has been used throughout for the sake of simplicity, the following is generally equally applicable to both men and women).


1. Du'a. Unceasingly ask help and guidance from Allah, Most High, in the matter of finding and choosing a mate. As often as you feel it necessary, pray Salaah al-Istikhara, Islam's special prayer for guidance, in order to reach a suitable decision.
2. Consult your heart. Listen to what your inner voice, the 'radar' which Allah has given you to guide you, tells you about the prospective partner. It is likely to be more correct than your mind, which often plays tricks and can rationalise almost any- thing. For many people, first impressions are often the most accurate.
3. Enquire. Find out the reason why this man wants to marry you. Is he interested in you as an individual or will just any person do? Why is he not doing the logical thing, that is, to marry someone from his culture? If there is evidence that the primary reason for this marriage, despite claims to the contrary, is for convenience (greencard, money, property, etc.), forget it. This spells trouble.
4. Get to know your prospective partner, within the limits of what is permissible in Islam, before deciding on marriage. Just ' seeing' someone once or twice in the company of others, who may be anxious for this marriage to take place, is simply not enough under today's conditions, where two per- sons of totally dis-similar backgrounds are meeting each other without the safeguards of families. Without violating Islam's prohibition about being alone, try to understand his nature, what makes him tick, his temperament, what he might be like to live with.
5. Talk to several people who know your prospective partner, not just one, or have someone whom you can trust do this for you. Ask about him from various people, not just from his friends because they may conceal facts to do him a favour. And ask not only about his background, career, Islamicity, etc., but about such crucial matters as whether he gets angry easily; what he does when he is 'mad'; whether he is patient, polite, considerate; how he gets along with people; how he relates to the opposite sex; what sort of relationship he has with his mother and father; whether he is fond of children; what his personal habits are, etc. And find out about his plans for the future from people who know him. Do they coincide with what he has told you? Go into as much detail as possible. Check out his plans for the future - where you will live and what your lifestyle will be, his attitudes toward money and possessions and the like. If you can't get answers to such crucial questions from people who know him, ask him yourself and try to make sure he is not just saying what he knows you want to hear. Too many people will make all kinds of promises before marriages in order to secure the partner they want but afterwards forget that they ever made them, (this naturally applies equally to women as to men).
6. Find out about his family, his relations with his parents, brothers and sisters. What will his obligations be to them in the future? How will this affect where and under what conditions you will live? What are the character and temperament of each of his parents? Will they live with you or you with them? And are they pleased with his prospective marriage to you or not? Although it may not be the case in most Western marriages, among Muslims such issues are often crucial to the success or failure of a marriage, and answers to these questions need to be satisfactory to ensure a peaceful married life.
7. Understand each other's expectations. Try to get a sense of your prospective partner's under- standing of the marriage relationship, how he will behave in various situations, and what he wants of you as his spouse. These are issues which should be discussed clearly and unambiguously as the negotiations progress, not left to become sources of disharmony after the marriage because they were never brought up beforehand. If you are too shy to ask certain questions, have a person you trust do it for you. At an advanced stage of the negotiations, such a discussion should include such matters as birth control, when children are to be expected, how they are to be raised, how he feels about helping with housework and with the children's upbringing, whether or not you may go to school or work, relations with his family and yours, and other vital issues.
8. See him interacting with others in various situations. The more varied conditions under which you are able to observe your prospective partner, the more clues you will have as to his mode of dealing with people and circumstances.
9. Find out what his understanding of Islam is and whether it is compatible with your own. This is a very important matter. Is he expecting you to do many things which you have not done up to this point? If he emphasises " Haraams", especially if you are a new Muslimah, and seems unable to tolerate your viewpoint, chances are your marriage will be in trouble unless you are flexible enough to accommodate yourself to his point of view and possibly a very restrictive lifestyle. Let him spell out to you clearly how he intends to practise Islam and how he wants you to practise it as his wife so there will be no misunderstandings later.
10. Don't be in a hurry. So many marriages have broken because the partners are in such haste that they don't take time to make such vital checks as the ones outlined above and rush into things. Shocking as it may seem, marriages between Muslims which are contracted and then broken within a week or a month or a year have become common place occurrences among us. Don't add yourself to the list of marriage casualties because you couldn't take time or were too desperate for marriage to find out about or get to know the person with whom you plan to spend the rest of your life.
11. Ask yourself, Do I want this man/woman to be the father/mother of my children? If it doesn't feel just right to you, think it over again. Remember, marriage is not just for today or tomorrow but for life, and for the primary purpose of building a family. If the person in question doesn't seem like the sort who would make a good parent, you are likely to find yourself struggling to raise your children without any help from him or her - or even with negative input - in the future.
12. Never allow yourself to be pressured or talked into a marriage. Your heart must feel good about it, not someone else's. Again, allegations of "Islamicity" - he is pious, has a beard, frequents the Masjid, knows about Islam; she wears Hijab, does not talk to men- are not necessarily guarantees of a good partner for you or of a good marriage, but are only a part of a total picture. If an individual practises the Sunnah only in relation to worship or externals, chances are he /she has not really understood and is not really living Islam. Possessing the affection and Rahmah (mercy) which Islam enjoins between marriage partners is vital for a successful relationship, and these are the important traits to be looked for in a prospective partner.
13. Never consent to engaging in a marriage for a fixed period or in exchange for a sum of money. (Mut'a marriage). Such marriages are expressly forbidden in Islam and entering into them is a sinful act, as marriage must be entered into with a clear intention of it being permanent, for life, not for a limited and fixed duration.
If these guidelines are followed, Insha' Allah the chances of making a mistake which may mar the remainder of your life may be minimised.
Choosing a marriage partner is a most serious matter, perhaps the most serious decision you will ever make in your life since your partner can cause you either to be successful or to fail miserably, in the tests of this life and, consequently, in the Here- after. This decision needs to be made with utmost care and caution, repeatedly seeking guidance from your Lord.
If everything checks out favourable, well and good, best wishes for happiness together here and in the Hereafter. If not, better drop the matter and wait. Allah your Lord knows all about you, His servant, and has planned your destiny and your partner for you. Be sure that He will bring you together when the time is right. As the Qur'an enjoins, you must be patient until He opens a way for you, and for your part you should actively explore various marriage leads and possibilities.
Two words addressed to brothers arc In order here. If you are marrying or have married a recent convert to Islam, you must be very patient and supportive with her. Remember, Islam is new to her, and chances are that she will not be able to take on the whole of the Shari'ah at once - nor does Islam require this, if you look at the history of early Islam. In your wife 's efforts to conform herself to her new faith and culture, she needs time and a great deal of support, love, help and understanding from you, free of interference from outsiders. It is best to let her make changes at her own speed when her inner being is ready for them rather than demanding that she do this or that, even if it means that some time will elapse before she is ready to follow certain Islamic injunctions. If the changes come from within herself, they are likely to be sincere and permanent; otherwise, if she makes changes because of pressure from you or from others, she may always be unhappy with the situation and may look for ways out of it. You can help her by being consistent in your own behaviour. So many Muslims apply those parts of the Qur'an or Sunnah which suit them and abandon the rest, with resulting confusion in the minds of their wives and children. Thus, while firmly keeping the reins in your hands, you should look at your own faults, not hers, and be proud and happy with the efforts she is making. Make allowances, be considerate, and show your appreciation of the difficult task she is carrying out by every possible means. This will cause her to love and respect you, your culture, and Islam to grow infinitely faster than a harsh, dominating, forceful approach ever could.
Finally, a word of warning. Certain situations have occurred in which women, posing as Muslims (or perhaps actually having made Shahaadah), have deceived and made fools of numbers of Muslim men. Such women may be extremely cunning and devious, operating as poor, lonely individuals in need of help and/or husbands. The brothers who fall into this net may be shown false photos, given false information or promises, cheated in all sorts of ways, and finally robbed of anything the conniving lady can manage to take from them. As was said, it is wise to check out any prospective partner with local Muslims who know her.
Keep your eyes open and take your time. Since marriage is for life, for eternity, hurrying into it for any reason whatsoever is the act of a foolish or careless person who has only himself or herself to blame if things go wrong.

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Weddings: A Time to Thank Allah

By Muhammad Ash-Shareef
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” - Surah Ar-Rum, 21
In this time of happiness, when gifts are received, hugs are generously donated, and laughter sprinkles the tables, we must remember who gave this all to us.
In this verse, Yamtann Allahu Alayna – Allah reminds of us of His favour upon us. Every husband in this room, it is Allah that created your bride. Every bride in this room, Allah created your husband. Allah created the pairs and then blessed the pair with love and mercy.
Then Allah says: “Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought”. Let’s take the time now to give a little thought to Allah’s favour upon us.
Sulayman – alayhis salam – sat his son down one day and taught him about Allah and life. Allah mentions what he said:
"And We enjoined upon man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years: Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to me is the (final) destination.”
Thank Allah:
1. Every thing that you enjoy, everything that you love is from Allah:
“And whatever you have of blessing (indeed) it is from Allah!”
2. Thank Allah, remember Him and He will remember you. Allahu akbar!
“Remember me and I shall remember you, and be thankful to Me and do not be ungrateful.”
3. Allah will give us more when we are thankful:
“And (remember) when your lord proclaimed, ‘if you are grateful, I will surely increase you; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.”
I’ve heard of Muslims that regularly donate half a million dollars to the Democratic Party to have their picture taken with Clinton and his wife! They place these pictures up in the middle of their homes in all pride and honour.
Yet to every parent, let me draw your attention the most noble picture to put up in your home. Allah ta’ala put His majesty and every parent in this world in a portrait: “Be grateful to Me and to your Parents!”
Scholars have said that being grateful to Allah is to be grateful for the Iman that He has blessed us with. And to be thankful to our parents is to be grateful for the hard work they went through to raise us.
Ibn Abbas raa said, “There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is not fulfilled. (And he mentioned), “Thank Me (Allah) and your Parents...” – Luqmaan 31/14.
Ibn Abbaas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept it from him.”
The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Haywah bin Shurayh (ra), one of the Imam’s of our Ummah, used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his Mother would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the Halaqah, and go feed the chickens.
Sufyan ibn Uyaynah – one of the Ummah’s greatest scholars – said, “Whoever prays the 5 salah has been grateful to Allah. And whoever prays for his parents after the Salah has been grateful to them.”
My mother in Law, Ali’s mother once told me about when Ali was young. He would come home from school, run up to her and give her the strongest hug. Then he would top it off with, “Mummy I love you.” She would mention the story and then let a tear drop.
As we get older, words like ‘I love you’ become harder for us to say. Yet as much as it becomes harder for us to say, as much as it becomes more precious to the parents.
I ask Allah ta’ala that we not forget this innocence, when we were without sin, when we used to bring a smile to our parents.
Let’s keep making them smile. And In doing so, we would be thanking Allah.

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Muslim World Marriage Customs

by Amber Rehman
In the Muslim world, marriage customs and traditions vary as much as the colors in a rainbow.
All retain the Islamic obligatory acts, which make a marriage valid and include other practices, which are individual to their surrounding cultures.
Here are customs from some parts of the Muslim world. Please note: not all Muslim marriage customs are necessarily in line with Islamic values.
India and Pakistan
In the Indian subcontinent, a marriage is reserved to three days of customs and traditions.
The Mehndi is the event where you put henna on the bride and groom's hands. Marked by traditional songs and dances, it sometimes extends to two days - one day over at the groom's place to put henna on his hand and the second day over at the bride's house to put henna on hers.
The actual Nikah is called a Shadi, which is traditionally done by the bride's side. This is the signing of official paperwork in the presence of an Imam.
After signing these papers and doing some religious ceremony, the couple is declared husband and wife. To celebrate, guests eat of the many lavish dishes that are served.
To announce the marriage officially the Walima takes place as a feast given by the groom's family. Both husband and wife welcome the guests and mingle with them while people eat dinner.
The United Arab Emirates (UAE)
As a tradition in the UAE, the setting of the wedding date marks the beginning of the bride's preparation for her wedding.
Although the groom is also put through a series of preparations, the bride's are more elaborate and time consuming.
She is lavished with all sorts of traditional oils and perfumes from head to toe. Traditionally, she is not seen for forty days by anyone except for family members as she rests at home in preparation for her wedding day.
During the week which precedes the wedding, traditional music, continuous singing and dancing take place, reflecting the joy shared by the bride and the groom's families.
Laylat Al Henna (literally, the night of the henna), which takes place a few days before, is very special night for the bride, since it is a ladies' night only.
On this night, the bride's hands and feet are decorated with henna. The back-to-back feasts and celebrations involve both men and women who usually celebrate separately.
Egypt
Egypt has been exposed to many civilizations, such as the Greek, Roman and Islamic ones. The marriage customs of Egyptians make it easy for a couple to get to know one another, for the families meet often.
It starts by the suitor's parents visiting his fiancee's house to get her family approval to complete the marriage and reaching an agreement, which contains two main items: an amount of money, called Mahr, paid by the suitor to his fiancee's family to help them prepare the furniture of their daughter and a valuable jewelry gift, called Shabka, given by the suitor to his fiancee. The value of this gift depends on the financial and social levels of the suitor's family.
When the two parties complete the agreement, they fix an appointed date for the engagement party.
When the house of the new family becomes ready, the two families fix a date for the wedding party.
The night before wedding day, the relatives, friends and neighbors get together to celebrate "the Henna Night".
The next day, the marriage contract is signed and registered. After sunset, the wedding party starts and the couple wears their best dresses and jewelry.
Malaysia
In the Malaysian tradition, the bride and groom are treated as "king and queen for a day".
During the betrothal, the pre-wedding meeting between the bride and the groom's parents, the dowry that will be given to the bride is determined as well as the date of the solemnization.
The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding. The bride's palms and feet are 'decorated' with the dye from the henna leaves.
Akad Nikah, which is the signing of the contract, is normally presided over by a Kadhi, a religious official of the Syariat (Shariat) Court. A small sum of money called the Mas Kahwin seals the contract.
The recent trend is to hold the solemnization in the mosque as was performed during the Prophet Muhammad's time (peace and blessings be upon him).
Singapore
In the tradition of Singapore, the Mak Andam (beautician) as well as members of the bride's family will waylay the groom and ask for an 'entrance fee after the bride is ready.
Only when they are satisfied with the amount would they allow the groom to see his bride.
After successfully overcoming the 'obstacles', the marriage ceremonies take place. Relatives sprinkle petals and rice (fertility symbols) on the couple seated on the 'throne'.
Reprinted from Soundvision

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The Waleemah (Wedding Feast) in Islam

By Nurul Aiman - reprinted from Mukmin.com
The waleemah is a food reception which follows the consummation of marriage, to make the marriage public. It is offered by the parents of the married couple, by their friends, or by the newly married couple themselves. Friends, relatives, and neighbors are usually invited.The companion Anas reported that the Prophet SAW saw a trace of yellow on Abd Ar- Rahman Ibn Auf, and asked what is this? He answered: "I got married". Then, the Prophet SAW said,

"May Allah make it a blessing for you. Have a waleemah, even with only a sheep." [Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Maalik]
Since marriage is such a joyful event for the whole Muslim neighborhood, playing tambourines and having decent and allowable singing are recommended during the celebration. According to Aishah (r.a), it is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW to announce a marriage and to make it in the mosque.
Once, Aishah organised a wedding feast for a woman who wed a man from Al-Ansaar. The Prophet SAW advised Aishah to do some entertainment due to the tradition of Al-Ansaar.
We must keep in mind, however, that the marriage celebrations should not violate any Islamic law. The word entertainment in the Islamic context should not be misinterpreted.
People who attend the celebrations should not mix in any un-Islamic way. Both men and women should wear proper Islamic dress during the celebration, and the songs they sing should not contain any obscene words or words that violate the Islamic code of decency and manners. Islamic standards must be upheld regardless of the type of occasion one is participating in.
Some people have begun practicing traditions which are completely against Islamic teachings. The tradition of bringing a musical band and female dancer to dance before men is prohibited in Islam. Another un-lslamic tradition is the use of a gold ring by the groom; this was prohibited by the Prophet SAW. Silver rings are allowed for men and women, while wearing gold ornament is allowed for women only.The tradition of trading rings is borrowed from other societies, and Muslims are told not to imitate non-Muslims in such traditions.
A groom should not feel obligated to have an extravagant marriage celebration, as this is a financial burden which could leave him in debt for years to follow. This could in turn discourage men from getting married. Marriage is an occasion for presenting the new family with gifts by relatives and friends. Gifts that are given with sincerity and consent strengthen the love between people.The Prophet SAW said,
"Exchange gifts, strengthen your love of one another." [Tirmizi]
One should always keep in mind the real reason behind giving gifts -- to strengthen the mutual relationships between people. Therefore, gifts should be affordable and given to others voluntarily. Unfortunately, most have forgotten this and the gifts have become burdens on those who give them; this weakens relationships between people instead of strengthening them.
People today write down what others have given them and the prices of such presents and then feel obligated to buy that person a gift equal in value. This is completely un-Islamic, and it does not follow the teachings of the Prophet SAW. Some vary in their social positions and have different financial statuses, and feeling obligated to buy a gift equal to that presented would soon end close relationships between people of different economic backgrounds. This will in turn build social barriers.
Finally, congratulations are offered to the bride by the women around her and by her relatives and friends; the groom is congratulated by other men. The best of congratulations is that reported by Abu Hurairah that the Prophet SAW said to people who got married:
"May Allah make it a blessing for you and a blessing to you, and bring you together with all that is good." [Tirmizi, Abu Dawood and Al-Hakim]
Marriage is a sacred bond between two people people. It binds not only hearts of two persons, but two distinguished extended families. Indeed, a good start in a whole new life as a husband and wife will serve as a strong foundation for the coming future.

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Al-Nikah: the Islamic Marriage Ceremony

Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini

Mutual Agreement of Bride and Groom
Marriage (nikah) is a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom. This contract is a strong covenant (mithaqun Ghalithun) as expressed in Quran 4:21). The marriage contract in Islam is not a sacrament. It is revocable.

Both parties mutually agree and enter into this contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.


Mahr
The marriage-gift (Mahr) is a divine injunction. The giving of mahr to the bride by the groom is an essential part of the contract.

'And give the women (on marriage) their mahr as a (nikah) free gift" (Quran 4:4)

Mahr is a token commitment of the husband's responsibility and may be paid in cash, property or movable objects to the bride herself. The amount of mahr is not legally specified, however, moderation according to the existing social norm is recommended. The mahr may be paid immediately to the bride at the time of marriage, or deferred to a later date, or a combination of both. The deferred mahr however, falls due in case of death or divorce.

One matrimonial party expresses 'ijab" willing consent to enter into marriage and the other party expresses 'qubul" acceptance of the responsibility in the assembly of marriage ceremony. The contract is written and signed by the bride and the groom and their two respective witnesses. This written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) is then announced publicly.

Sermon
The assembly of nikah is addressed with a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-nikah) by the Muslim officiating the marriage. In marriage societies, customarily, a state appointed Muslim judge (Qadi) officiates the nikah ceremony and keeps the record of the marriage contract. However any trust worthy practicing Muslim can conduct the nikah ceremony, as Islam does not advocate priesthood. The documents of marriage contract/certificate are filed with the mosque (masjid) and local government for record.

Prophet Muhammad (S) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility.

The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with the praise of Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that 'There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger" is declared. The three Quranic verses (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage. This hadith is:

'By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me". (Bukhari)

The Muslim officiating the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for bride, groom, their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah)

Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations.

Prophet Muhammad (S) considered simple weddings the best weddings:

'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)

Primary Requirements
Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom
Two adult and sane witnesses
Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both
Secondary Requirements
Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride
Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage
The Marriage Banquet (Walima)
After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a walima. The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.

Prophet Muhammad (S) said:

'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out". (Mishkat)

It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation.

Prophet Muhammad (S) said:

"...and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet". (Ahmad & Abu Dawood)

Reprinted from Marriage and Family in Islam by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini

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